The Rainbow Series
by ThisCouldTheoreticallyBeSparta
Summary: A series of small ficlets dedicated to Remus and Sirius concerning the meanings of the eight original 1978 colours of Gilbert Baker’s first Gay Pride flag.
1. Part 1  Hot Pink: Sexuality

**bRAINBOW SERIES/b**

Author: Pixie-Rings

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Remus/Sirius

Genre: romance, humour

Rating: G to soft R

Disclaimer: Belongs to J.K Rowling. If I were her, I'd be rich, which is a reason not to sue me. I own nothing except the clothes on my back, the glasses on my face and the cats on my sofa.

Warnings: none

Summary: A series of small ficlets dedicated to Remus and Sirius concerning the meanings of the eight original 1978 colours of Gilbert Baker's first Gay Pride flag.

1. Hot Pink: sexuality

2. Red: life

3. Orange: healing

4. Yellow: sunlight

5. Green: nature

6. Turquoise: magic/art

7. Indigo: serenity/harmony

8. Violet: spirit

**bxxXxXxx**

**1. Hot Pink: Sexuality/b**

Sirius wasn't stupid. He was actually incredibly clever, bordering on genius. So when he realised, after kissing his fourth or fifth girl in fourth year, that they didn't appeal to him and never had done, he also quickly realised what he was. Especially when thoughts of kissing Gavin Lewington had six months ago replaced those of kissing Jennie Dawlish. He knew he was gay. He liked blokes. Simple as that. Sirius wasn't the kind of person to ever do anything halfway, or remain in a grey area. It was all or nothing with him, and he was quite proud of that.

But he kept his sexuality a secret. His friends were truly all he had, and he did not want to lose them. He couldn't have cared less about his family. They could all go to hell for all the fuck he gave, but his friends… Loyal Peter, partner-in-crime James and wonderful, wonderful Remus… He couldn't bear to lose them.

Equally quickly after figuring himself out he figured out the reason he stared at Remus so much was because he fancied him. Short, brown hair, pale thin neck, long delicate fingers and beautiful amber-green eyes. Remus was gorgeous, although he'd never think that of himself. Silly wolf. So, after that, it didn't take him long to realise he cared for Remus so much because he loved him. He'd lay down his life for any of his friends, but he'd travel to hell and back for Remus. He hoped Remus felt the same way too.

xxXxXxx

Remus was in third year when he realised girls weren't that much fun. He knew James fancied Lily, but that certainly did not mean Lily fancied James. In fact, Lily seemed to like Remus, despite the fact Remus had never seen her as anything but a friend. So it happened that, towards the end of third year, he decided to try. They kissed. Once. They both admitted it felt 'off' a year later. When they realised why, they laughed about it (James and Sirius had not been pleased to learn about it).

After that, Remus steered clear of females. They didn't interest him anyway, but he refused to admit, even to himself, that he was gay. It was bad enough being a werewolf, but queer as well? No, this was wrong... It was only when a good-looking Ravenclaw named Neil asked him what he was reading one day in the library and he flushed and couldn't say anything apart from 'fnumblebargle' that he concede he was bi. But not gay.

Not until seeing Sirius half-naked and sweaty after Quidditch practice made him tent his pants and seeing Grace Turnbull in only a sports bra on a broomstick didn't. After that, he began crushing on Sirius in earnest, all the while feeling torn between guilt and desperation. Because Remus never made anything easy for himself.

That summer, he came out to his parents. His mother had burst into tears and from then on it was never the same between them. Awkward, full of long uncomfortable silences and forced, polite smiles. It hurt Remus so much to think his mother could accept him as a ferocious man-eating monster but not as a boy who liked other boys. His father, on the other hand, was nothing but supportive. He said Remus was far too mature for it to be just a phase, and that as long as he was judicious and careful ('especially around the Muggles. It's illegal for them, or something...') he didn't have a problem with it. He even bought Remus a book entitled _i'A Young Wizard's Guide To Homosexuality - everything you wanted to know but never had the courage to ask'/i_. That was exceedingly embarrassing, and John Lupin seemed to sense it and never asked about the book.

He decided he'd read it at school. Not long after the start of fifth year James was rummaging around in Remus's trunk for a spare quill and found it. Much joking and teasing had ensued, and Remus had come clean. James didn't seem to care. Peter shrugged and said it couldn't be helped. Sirius seemed overjoyed. iThat/i was explained by the fact he kissed Remus not five days after.


	2. Part 2  Red: Life

Rainbow series 2: Red – Life

Immediately after leaving school, Remus had gone to live with Sirius in his flat in Camden. Life after Hogwarts was a mixture between routine and odd surprises.

The routine was Remus waking up to go to work, showering, kissing Sirius goodbye and heading to the Muggle bookshop he worked at.

Remus woke up every day at seven. He'd groan at the sound of the alarm clock, fumble for his wand on the bedside table and Silencio it. Sirius would half wake up, snuggle up to Remus and, if both were in the mood, start the day with a lazy hand job.

After that, Remus would get up, muttering about stickiness but not complaining really, and head to the shower. Sometimes there was hot water, sometimes there wasn't. By the time he got out Sirius was usually already in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Sirius, or indeed anybody sane of mind, never trusted Remus with cooking. He had a tendency to burn things, or inexplicably explode them, exactly like his potions. That was why he'd never taken NEWT-level Potions.

They'd eat, Remus downing mug after mug of tea to get him up (Remus didn't like coffee) and Sirius nursing a very long mug of black, sugar-clogged coffee. When the Daily Prophet arrived, Sirius would settle down and do the crossword, then halfway through kiss Remus goodbye as he headed to Goodkind's Books, over in Street.

Mr Goodkind was a cheerful old man, who'd married a Squib named Doris. She'd died two years before, but he knew enough about Remus and his 'problem' to allow him two extra days off every month. They weren't a roaring business, but there was always a stunted flow of students and intellectuals of all ages. Mr Goodkind knew about Sirius, and he didn't mind about that either, as long as they didn't display their affection in the front window.

Sirius worked too, mainly to stop himself from being bored out of his mind every day. He worked as a motorbike mechanic for Mr Jenkins's garage. He wasn't in it for the pay, Uncle Alphard and Uncle Oscar had left him enough money to live comfortably, but merely for the enjoyment of tinkering with the Muggle mode of transportation he loved best. He'd fiddled with the Black Shadow enough to know bikes inside and out, and he loved getting dirty. His satisfaction was heightened by the fact he knew his mother would disapprove immensely.

For lunch, Sirius always went to the local greasy spoon with the other mechanics, Bob and Danny (Mr Jenkins always went home for lunch – Mrs Jenkins did like to keep his belly round with a plethora of fried meals). He had mentioned Remus once or twice, but Bob seemed very uncomfortable with it. Danny didn't appear to mind.

Remus, on the other hand, usually had a bacon sandwich in the café across the road. It was the kind of place that economically survived merely on the old English tradition of fried breakfasts for lunch and bacon sandwiches, sometimes straying into the realm of spotted dick for deserts. Sometimes Mr Goodkind joined him, sometimes he didn't. Then it was back to work. Remus liked to work. To rely on Sirius financially would have been humiliating. He'd begged him to be allowed to pay rent, once, but Sirius had been horrified. "You're my boyfriend, Moony, my lover, my partner. Lily doesn't pay Prongs to live with him, so why should you?" he'd said. But he couldn't ever convince Remus to not pay half of the bills.

The bookshop closed at five. The mechanic's at half-past. Once, Remus decided to pick Sirius up, having been looking for a different option to Indian every other night. He'd found a Chinese takeaway, Sirius still at work on a Goldwing (which Sirius insisted was a peasant among bikes) and Mr Jenkins shaking his head with his arms folded and a fond smile.

"Who're you?" Mr Jenkins had asked. Remus had nodded to Sirius.

"I'm his-"

"Remus!"

Sirius had popped his head over the seat and grinned, a long streak of grease down his right cheek. Remus had smiled.

"Got dinner." He'd informed his boyfriend, who'd quickly cleaned up and dragged on his leather jacket. It was odd to see someone dressed like a punk with a job, and a vaguely respectable one at that.

"No introductions, lad?" Mr Jenkins had asked. Sirius had looked a little nervous before smiling.

"Mr Jenkins, this is my boyfriend, Remus Lupin. Remus, my boss, Kenneth Jenkins."

A quick, yet firm handshake later and Mr Jenkins was asking them to dinner next Friday. "The missus does it every once in a while. Bob brings his wife and Danny his girlfriend, so you bring Remus."

Sirius had obviously agreed, and they'd headed home, quite cheerful.

Then they'd go home and eat. When they hadn't bought a takeaway Sirius would cook, often something that could be recycled for the next day too. Sometimes James and Lily and, ever more sporadically, Peter would come round for dinner. From time to time, other Order members, like Kingsley, Fabian and Gideon, Emmeline and often Dung, who was always on the look out for a free meal, would pop around.

Once they'd gone, their main goal of appetite slaying obtained, Sirius and Remus would curl up on the battered settee and watch some television. Remus often had to explain it.

Then bed, and, nine times out of ten, sex. At its lowest levels, it was good. At its highest levels, it was magnificent. It had to be said that the two had what could only be defined an idyllic sex life. They knew fully well they were still young, and bloody well took advantage of it, thank you very much.

The odd surprises part of the deal often consisted in spy work, stalking and Death Eater attack. Order meetings were organised often the day before, always on different days, sometimes the very day they were to happen, and always at different places. Remus and Sirius's flat had been used quite a few times.

Remus would be sent off on missions to enrol werewolves. They hardly ever worked, as the perverted old bastard Greyback was far too strong. Remus was sometimes beaten. In magic he was powerful, but when it came to fists and using them, especially against other werewolves, he wasn't that good.

It always hurt Sirius to see the most important person in his life come home with a swollen cheek, a black eye and bruised ribs, once a broken wrist. That was why he always kept a steak in the fridge, especially for such occasions. He didn't know himself why Remus was away sometimes, but he took it in his stride, burying his pain at not being trusted enough deep down.

Sirius was set for spy missions, often with James or Dung. Watching houses set in the middle of nowhere, the odds frequently of ten to two. As Dung was a sneaky bastard, Sirius was occasionally left alone. If he was caught then, it would have meant death for him.

Once, Sirius, Remus, James and Lily had gone out for a drink. They'd been tailed by Death Eaters and attacked. One of the Death Eaters had Sirius pinned down, and Remus had launched a killing curse, silently, without meaning it. The other Death Eaters had fled at the arrival of Mad Moody, Kingsley and Edgar Bones.

The four noiselessly agreed that the Death Eater had been killed by friendly fire.

Sirius and Remus had returned home, James and Lily with them, and Lily had told Remus he would have done exactly the same had James been in danger. Nevertheless, Remus was quiet and withdrawn for the next week or so, and nothing anyone could say could bring him out of it.

That was the beginning of the end.


	3. Part 3 Orange: Healing

Rainbow series 3: Orange – Healing

It had been twelve years. Twelve long, painful years of not hearing anything, not knowing anything, trying to convince himself that Sirius was just as much a murderer as everyone claimed him to be, when his heart refused that idea so completely his mind was often overturned.

_It can't be true,_ his heart would cry, _there must be an explanation, a reason behind it all. Sirius would never betray Lily and James. He would never betray Harry._

_He would never betray you._

But Remus locked his heart away and silenced its voice, living on the edge of both societies, like a hermit. Sometimes, when the loneliness and denial became too strong, he'd try to find someone to pass the night with. He wasn't ever very lucky (casual encounters being based mostly on appearance, after all, and Remus never had enough money to care after such frivolities), and he was finding newly-needed precautions to be tedious. He and Sirius had never required them, and so Remus gradually turned to reclusion.

But when he had been studying the Map that night, and had seen Sirius's name, and Peter's, his heart threw the locked door open and joyously sang its song of dismissal once more.

Sirius was broken, that much was plain to see. His eyes were haunted, his face gaunt, haggard and shadowed and he was thinner than Remus was even at thirteen. But he was Sirius, he was innocent, and he was _there_. The embrace they shared was so beautiful and perfect that Remus could almost feel his shattered soul mending itself.

Then Sirius had to leave, to run to save his life, and Remus was alone again. They exchanged letters, encrypted, secretive, coded, where nothing was said, nothing could be garnered, for fear of interception. Sirius never said anything, and Remus had never been one to take an initiative. Maybe once, many years ago, but not now.

He did not see Sirius until he made a passing comment in a letter that he was in the country. Remus felt cheated. Harry knew, why not him? Surely he had more right to know his lover's whereabouts than Harry did? But then a small, cruel voice, unquestionably that of his mind, said, _how can you be sure he still wants you? He's broken, a shade of himself. Does he even remember he loved you? Don't hurt yourself pining over a man who doesn't want you anymore._

But his heart, once again, refused to listen. He was through with waiting. So he demanded outright, in old Marauder code filled with fish, birds and insects, that he tell him where he was, and once, he wrote, he knew, he would come to see him.

_A cassowary in Ladybird. I'll meet you as Codfin near the perch, mothtime on Heron._

Remus's heart leapt. No, it didn't leap; it flew, soaring high above time and space. Not only did Sirius remember the old, foolish secret language they'd thought up back in third year, but he would meet him in Hogsmeade, by the old stile. Remus remembered that stile fondly. James had tried to leap it as Prongs and had broken one of his antlers off as he crashed into the ground. He'd whinged about that for a month, until he discovered it had grown back remarkably quickly. James had had the same consideration of his antlers as he did of his penis. The whole matter had been hilarious.

So Remus stood in the chilly air, thin cloak tucked around his shoulders, gazing into the dark night and feeling evermore restless and disheartened until he heard a bark. He peered into the gloom and saw a running shape of darker darkness, and Remus couldn't help but smile.

He followed the dog by the light of his wand up the dangerous side of the mountain, following a path he somehow vaguely remembered, until they reached the cave. Squeezing through the gap, he entered the cave, bowed at the Hippogriff he randomly recognised as Hagrid's and turned to where his… – lover? Ex-lover? Friend? – now stood in human form.

The silence dragged on for a long while, until Sirius sighed.

"I didn't think it would be this hard," he admitted. Remus chuckled briefly, the noise sounding wrong in the thick quiet.

"Neither did I," he murmured, sitting down on a rock. Sirius sat next to him, not as close as they once would have, but near enough so that Remus felt a little encouraged.

"How have you been?" Remus asked finally. Sirius laughed mirthlessly and rubbed the back of his head.

"Like shit. You?"

"Much the same, only free," Remus admitted. Sirius sighed again, and it was a rather hopeless sound.

"I missed you," Remus murmured before he could stop himself. Sirius stared, grey eyes darkened by pain and humiliation and fear boring into him.

"How can you say that?" He demanded. That was not the reaction Remus had expected.

"What do you mean?"

"You never came for me," Sirius muttered, hugging himself. Remus was shocked.

"I thought you were the spy, Sirius," he said. "I thought you had betrayed Lily and James. Foolishly, as I look back now, I don't know how I could have even dreamt of it, but I did. I was stupid, Sirius, so, so stupid."

Sirius wiped at his eyes surreptitiously. "I kept hoping you'd come and get me," he whispered on barely a breath of voice. "I would lie awake at night and wish you'd come and get me. Stupid of me, I knew you couldn't, you'd get caught and put there with me and I couldn't bear it, to see you hurt, but you know how these things happen…"

"You wish even though you know it's wrong," Remus completed. Sirius looked at him and nodded.

"As soon as I knew James and Lily were dead, I was so relieved, because I know it couldn't have been you. I felt sick with myself, thankful that my brother and his wife were dead, because that meant you weren't to blame, you weren't the spy, it was that fucking bastard, and…" His voice trailed off onto a shuddering breath, and stared at the floor. Remus raised his hand tentatively, and barely caressed Sirius's shoulder with his fingertips. Sirius didn't shy away.

"James wouldn't have blamed you for it, you know that," he said.

"But I blame myself," Sirius spat. "That makes it so much worse."

"I blame myself for leaving you to rot," Remus murmured. Suddenly, he chuckled. "They're laughing at us somewhere, you know?"

Sirius snorted. "The eldritch abominations gaining their levity from our floundering?" But the corners of his mouth twitched nevertheless.

"And Lily and James will be smacking their foreheads and yelling at us to open our eyes," Remus said softly. Sirius smiled completely now.

"I missed you, Remus," he murmured.

It wasn't until June that Remus saw Sirius again. The talk they'd had had changed things for the better, it seemed. Remus greeted him with a hug on the doorstep and Sirius, to his joy, hugged back.

But getting back to the same level of intimacy as they had had before things had begun to fall apart was a long and painstaking process. Sirius wasn't yet comfortable with touching him for periods longer than a few minutes, and Remus knew he had to take his time. He was nervous, too, unsure of how far to push and wary of stepping back too far lest Sirius thought he was pushing him away.

It must have been the day that Dumbledore had scheduled they go to Sirius's house that Sirius finally gained enough courage to sleep in the same bed as Remus.

Halfway through the night he woke up with a yell, and Remus rolled over quickly, blinking tiredly.

"What, what is it, Padfoot?" he asked, placing a hand on Sirius shoulder. Sirius was staring at the opposite wall, eyes almost circular and irises surrounded by white, panting heavily.

"They're coming for me, Moony…" he muttered, gripping Remus's pyjama sleeves tightly but not taking his wide eyes off the opposite wall. "I can hear them, shaking breath, she's with them, screaming at me…"

"Sirius… Sirius, look at me," he forced Sirius's face towards him, cupping his face so he couldn't see the wall. "No one is coming to get you. I swear to God. If anything does come, I'll fucking tear it apart before it can get anywhere near you. I won't let them take you away from me again."

Sirius's bottom lip trembled slightly and he let his head fall forward onto Remus's chest.

"Don't let them take me, Remus, keep them away…" he begged in an urgent whisper. Remus placed his arms around him and pulled him closer.

"I'll never let them take you, never," Remus promised fiercely, kissing Sirius's head.

They fell asleep like that, Sirius still gripping Remus painfully, Remus's arms keeping night terrors away.

The next morning Sirius entered the kitchen well after Remus had gotten up. He looked embarrassed, and Remus deduced that Sirius remembered his irrational terror of the night before.

"Sirius?" he asked mildly, wiping his hands on one of his worn tea towels. Sirius sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sorry about last night," he mumbled. Remus shook his head with a small smile.

"Don't be. It's only natural to suffer from nightmares after all you've been through."

Sirius nodded absently, taking a deep breath, perhaps to steady his nerves. He suddenly looked up at Remus and strode forward, taking him in his arms and kissing him. Remus was too shocked to do much more than blink and drop the tea towel.

"I love you," Sirius said when he'd pulled back. His eyes burned with something strong, feral, and proud that Remus hadn't seen in ages. Remus's breath hitched and he grabbed Sirius and kissed him back fiercely. He'd never tasted anything as amazing in his life. it was like air after eternity underwater, food after months of starvation.

"I love you too," he breathed, pressing his forehead to Sirius's. Sirius smiled and kissed him again.

"We should have done this ages ago," he said. Remus smiled, and he could almost feel it physically: what was broken was mended; his shattered soul expertly repaired and back together again. How it was meant to be.


End file.
